Relationship Catch Up!

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Just the other day I was catching up with a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile. We were at work, and we did the brief “5 minute life catch up” session.

This friend of mine is young….like 30 years old. She told me that she’s finally in love. She said that she got lucky, and really found a good one.

She asked me how my love life is going and I gave her the standard, “Well, it’s not really going anywhere. I don’t do the internet dating thing anymore, because all I attract are the weirdos. So, I’m just focusing on being the best person I can be, and if it happens…GREAT! If it doesn’t, then I need to be ok with that!”

I still see the married man from time to time, straight up for a booty call. It’s not enough for me. It never has been. I guess deep down there’s a part of me that believes it’s never going to get any better than this. I’m older now, and as I age, the pool of men gets smaller and smaller. What am I to do?

This is where I am right now in my life.

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Valentine’s Day 2018

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It’s finally here. Along with New Years Eve, this day stresses me out because it reminds me that I’m still single! So, instead of moaning, complaining, and feeling sorry for myself in this post, I am going to turn it around and be happy for what I do have….ME!

I love ME for all sorts of reasons, and I shouldn’t feel bad that my soul mate and I haven’t found each other yet. Self love is just as important as loving another person. So, to keep this short and sweet, I want to end with a quote from a woman I’ve admired for many years….Audrey Hepburn.

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Just in time for Valentine’s Day!

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I’m back after a long hiatus.  Yup, still looking for love, but no dates in a while.  I’ve got lots to say, so I will be posting soon.  And, oh happy day!  Valentine’s Day is right around the corner!!

Low

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As I write this, I am feeling really bad about myself. I feel like there is no hope for anyone to care for let alone fall in love with me.

I try my hardest to stay positive, to actually believe that the universe will bring my soul mate into my life. I do work to better myself – mentally & physically, but I don’t see any results.

I feel stuck.

I feel alone.

My heart aches.

I am in despair.

My date with Brian

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Well, I had my date with Brian last night. I thought it went well, but I didn’t feel a spark with him. I think there is a possibility of friendship, but that would probably be about it.

It began when we met at my local Corner Bakery Café. He saw me standing by the front door, approached me, said hello, and that was it. No handshake, no hug, no nothing!

Once inside, I asked him if he’d ever been to this place. He said he hadn’t, but he’s been to someplace similar. I went up to the cashier, placed my order, then turned around to see if he was ready to place his. Brian was still looking up at the menu board, with his hands in his pockets. “You ready?” I asked.

“No, I’m still deciding. You get yours and I’ll meet you over there (pointing to the tables outside),” he says.

We went Dutch for dinner. Guess I shouldn’t have assumed he’d pay for dinner.  Normally, that’s what a gentleman does. But, you know when you “assume”…it makes an ass out of you and me!

We decided to sit outside since the weather was nice. We talked quite a bit, and he seemed very interested in what I do for a living. We talked about our families, our backgrounds, etc. He’s very close with his adult daughters. Almost to the point where he can’t stand being away from them. He told me a number of times that his family is number one in his life.

The other thing I noticed was how he seemed a little depressed. He would smile if I said something funny, then immediately wipe his forehead and be back to his somber self. He kept putting himself down, saying that his family wasn’t very educated, which meant that he wasn’t very smart, he had fallen into the wrong crowd growing up, and that his now deceased wife was the one who “straightened” him out.

I tried to switch up the conversation. I wanted to make it light, fun, and not so serious all the time. I even made him laugh a few times. But not once did he make me laugh. For me, laughter is the ultimate attraction. I can overlook certain qualities if a man’s sense of humor is the main attraction. I sensed that Brian doesn’t have much of a playful side. If he does, I didn’t see it! He kept asking me about my job, wanting to know if I’ve met any celebrities and what are they like. I said I have, but I don’t like to talk about them. I know it’s interesting to people who aren’t in the business that I am, but until I know and trust you, I’m just not going to go there.

Other than Brian NOT making me laugh, he never gave me a sign that he was interested in me. There was NO touching or body language to show me that he was even remotely interested.

At one point, I needed to use the ladies room. When I came back, I asked if he wanted to walk around. “Sure,” he says. We stopped into a frozen yogurt shop and tasted a bunch of the flavors. I joked around and told him that the mint one tasted like my toothpaste!   He laughed but didn’t come back with anything. I decided to get some toothpaste flavored (mint) fro-yo, and went to the register. He followed right after me. Again, he didn’t even offer to pay. I paid for my own.

We walked back to where the outdoor tables and chairs were, ate our frozen yogurt and talked some more. I started to get cold and figured this was a good way to end our date. Brian said that he really enjoyed meeting me, and then we walked together to the parking structure. Once there, we realized our cars were parked at opposite ends. I told him thanks for coming out to my neighborhood, and he said, “Yeah, it was really fun.” With his hands in his pockets, he turned and walked away.

No hug, no handshake, no nothing! He almost looked like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I’ve replayed last night in my head, and I really couldn’t tell if he was remotely attracted to me. But that’s ok, even though he was average looking, I wasn’t physically attracted to him. Sometimes, it’s ok to just be friends.

Time will tell if I ever hear from him again.

Hi ho, hi ho, it’s back to Match.com I go.

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I did it, yes I did. I signed back up. They got me for 6 months. That’s it. It’s all I can do (or stomach). Just shy of hanging out at Home Depot, I don’t know where else to meet guys. So, once again I’m suckered into online shopping for my soulmate.

I’ve been on the site for about 2 months now and I have my first date tomorrow. I have been talking to Brian for about 10 days. He seems very, very sweet. He’s a widower, and has raised his daughters alone since his wife passed away almost 18 years ago.

If I were to write down on a sheet of paper the pros and cons to this guy, I’d have to say there is only one con. I’m a little concerned he might be too “easy going” for me. I have yet to fell if he gets excited about anything. We have spoken on the phone a few times, and he sounds kind of monotone. I don’t want to jump the gun. I’m not going to pass on him just because of that.

He is driving all the way out my neighborhood to take me out to dinner. I’m so impressed by his manners, and the fact that he LISTENS to me when we speak on the phone. I’m actually quite excited to meet him. Here’s hoping for some kind of spark!

Wish me luck…

Relationship Detox

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It’s been a little over a week, and I’m hurting.  My emotional detox has been hard. These feelings I have for him are really like a drug. I would feel so happy when I heard from him, and miserable when I didn’t.  He totally messed with my head. F-that!  I LET him mess with my head.

I still think of this guy when I get up, and before I go to bed. I am trying very, very hard to keep myself busy, and the good thing is…I haven’t reached out to him.  It’s hard trying to neutralize my feelings, to separate and detach. I know it must be done if I want the RIGHT relationship in my life.

I know that this hole in my heart can’t be filled by anyone but me. I have to love myself more than I love anyone else. Even him.  The time to start loving myself again is NOW!