I have come to realize that I have a really thick skull. Or, maybe it’s short term or even long term memory loss. Either way, it seems like it takes me a while for certain lessons to be learned. My light bulb over my head flickers, but eventually it’s turned on all the way. It just might take a day, a month or a year for it to happen.
Case in point. The other day when I was at work, I asked my co-worker, “Why does it seem like everyone comes to me with stuff when it’s not my job to handle it? They need to go to their appropriate supervisor.”
My co-worker said, “I think it’s because you are a strong woman.”
I responded to that with, “ You know, I’ve been told by a couple of guys that the reason I’m NOT in a relationship is because I’m “too strong of a woman”.
The next day I was going through the whole conversation in my head, when I realized why I reacted the way I did. I was embarrassed. I was upset because I equate strength with masculinity. And… I am not a man. There’s a part of me that has accepted the agreement that I’m “too strong of a woman” and that’s what is stopping me from being in a relationship.
I’m not a diminutive or dainty female. I’m tall, and of Eastern European heritage.
I’m not that kind of girl who flips her hair, bats her eyelashes, and shows her ass in order to catch a man. I’ve tried doing that, but it’s not who I am. I admit, I admire the women who can do that. They have the skills that I don’t. I guess I’ve always thought that a man will be attracted to my personality, charm, sense of humor and then my looks.
I consider myself 100% girly-girl. Ok, maybe 80 % girly-girl and 20% tomboy. It’s who I am, and I know I need to get to the place where I’m ok with who I am. This is how God made me. I shouldn’t be embarrassed for being strong.
So, my mantra for today, and until I get it through my thick skull is…”You are beautiful, sensitive, charismatic, intelligent, funny, and loving. And if a man can’t appreciate all those sides of you, then he doesn’t deserve you.”
Once Upon A Date In L.A. 